Yeh sooooo after many many MANY months of disappearing I decided to come back and chuck on some pieces, hope you have a peek and leave a comment on what you think.

Alot, and I mean ALOT has gone on withing the past 10 months, many things I would rather forget, but all learning experiences.

I finally managed to regain control of my life. I can proudly say that I am no longer a drug addict, Im clean and it feels great. Its amazing how your life tunnels down into this dark vicious circle, when your life revolves around crystal meth. It truly is my one true poison, my kryptonite. I just hope I never have to revisit that path in my life again.

Its sad to think that all my friends are gone, my friendships were all tarnished after I decided that I wanted to go clean. People thought I was turning my back on them, the truth is they turned their backs on me, the same moment where I needed them the most, for support and to remember that friends are there for a reason. I have no friends, because noone stood by me, there was always some kind of compromise, and while some did stick by me, bitching behind my back and then being there never was and never will be good enough. Its funny how people change. And its amazing how slow the days pass when there's noone to share them with. But such is life I guess.

On Sunday Im going to Sydney for a week, visiting old friends, and meeting a few new ones, and hopefully, just maybe, Ill be able to come back feeling much happier about a certain decision about a certain someone.

Nothing changed in the relationship department, it has been THAT long since Ive had a relationship, minus an extremely brief moment with someone I will hold close to my heart forever, then I can safely say Im still yet to experience the feeling of love. Mind you, he was probably the closest thing to it, and now I owe him my life, for having faith when noone else did. If only things could have been a little bit different. I think I can safely say that both of us would have been extremely happy together. But thanks to a certain person that will never happen, its amazing how greed takes over.

Now my life revolves around routine, work and sleep, its exhausting, but it pays of my beasty wheels, plus Im starting to look for a house, so by the end of the year my goal is to say that I own my own home. Looking for furniture has been exciting, Ive gone through so many antique shops, spotting some beautiful victorian pieces that Im just dying to have but its pointless buying furniture when I have nowhere to put it.

Anyways Ive been at work since 12am tonight, Im absolutely exhausted and so I bid you all goodnight!!

xoxoxo
Renata